Tag Archive: stream of consciousness


I had endeavored to post more than once a week this summer, but the utter lack of activity in my life has made that incredibly difficult.  There’s not much to write about a weekend filled with boredom, self-pity, and copious amounts of aimless internet browsing, which has been every weekend of the summer so far.

But, do not despair my intrepid reader, for this summer is to the movie of my life not the depression montage, that already happened, but instead the determination montage, where I work out in dimly lit rooms and leave myself inspirational notes on the mirror.  In this montage I lean dramatically over the sink, splash water on my face, and stare steely-eyed and determined at my unshaven reflection, followed by an unknown, but undoubtedly epic number of incredibly sweaty situps.  We’ll just edit out the hours and hours spent in dark rooms staring at TV and computer screens, a lifeless pallor about my person, and just the barest hint of sentience in the vacant expression worn constantly upon my face.  Oh yeah, after a determination montage like this I am going to kick some ass when school starts next month.

Anyway,

I know making fun of old ladies makes me a terrible person, but when they have sideburns and a moustache, it’s incredibly hard not to chuckle in mild fascination.  Though, I have to

admire them for not giving a flip about the way they look.

Do you ever sit there and debate how much punctuation you should put at the end of a sentence?!?

Nobody likes being super busy at work, but it’s almost better than the endless minesweeper and rubber band-ballery of a slow day.

And now for some unsolicited philosophical advice:

Don’t ever get so caught up in where you’re going that you forget where you’re from, because for better or for worse, it will always be a part of you.  No matter how much you want to get away from it, as soon as you forget where you’re from, you become just another face in the crowd, somewhere in the middle of a story with no beginning.  I’m not saying your past should define you, but a glance in the rearview mirror every once in a while is a good way to avoid an accident.  Besides, if you don’t remember where you started, how can you know how far you’ve come?

Our goals in life are mostly the same,  it’s our beginnings that make us unique.

Reflectively yours,

-Andrew

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So last night I got to see my musical hero Ben Folds in concert for the first time at the bouncy Cain’s Ballroom in Tulsa, and I have to say, holy balls. It was amazing. He has so much energy, from when he slammed out Levi Johnston’s Blues to when he threw the piano bench at the piano at the end of the concert, he was nonstop. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and definitely worth the wait from when the concert was originally scheduled for February.  In case you weren’t aware, it was postponed for the biggest snowstorm in the history of snow that just happened to fall on the exact day Ben was scheduled to play in Tulsa.  Moshing to Effington on the bouncy floor of Cain’s with like 500 other sweaty Folds-ophiles like me who knew every word pretty much made my life.

Anyway, I’m done gushing, but that was definitely the highlight of my summer, and I’m buying my ticket to see him in OKC in November tonight.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen an edger before, but they’re these power tools that are designed to cut the grass next to sidewalks.  They feature a circular metal blade, a small lawn-mower-type engine, and the ability to drive me absolutely insane.  Something about the sound of that weed-eater engine combined with the high pitched shriek of metal scraping concrete has a direct line to my insanity bone. It drives me crazy, and for some inexplicable reason, Oklahoma State University seems to think that every single square inch where grass grows next to concrete must be edged AT LEAST three times a week.

I don’t get it.  It’s like they follow me around and make sure any sidewalk I walk on is free of grass, to make sure I don’t trip on the millimeter of grass that’s touching the sidewalk.  Because it ALWAYS happens to the sidewalk right outside my window, no matter what building I’m in, or what time of day it is.  It’s never consistent either, the sound constantly fades in and out, like some kind of crazy aural Chinese Water Torture.

zzzzzZZZZZZZZZrrrrrrt…….ZZZZzzZZzzzzzzzzzrttt….zzrt……..ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzZzZZZZZZZZZZZZZrrrrt…..zzzzzZZZrrt…. (That’s what it sounds like, except more metallic and horrible)

I didn’t need an alarm clock in the dorms, because the friendly neighborhood edgerman was always outside my window at 8 in the morning protecting my ankles from the evils of immaculately manicured grass.  And I lived on the 4th floor.

They edge way more than they mow, which makes no sense to me.  Why does that happen?  Edge when you mow! Why does unmown grass need edging? It’s like icing an unbaked cake.

Maybe I just don’t understand the importance of edging, but JESUS, I promise I’ll be okay if my sidewalks are unedged for like three days.

I just wrote half a page about edgers. Wow, why are you still reading this?

Don’t get mad, get RIPPED! Don’t just to sit-ups, do RAGE SIT-UPS!!! When you work out angry, you feel the burn in your abs AND your heart!

I don’t know if you know anyone like this, but I know a guy, an adult mind you, that signs the bottom of every e-mail he sends with a quote from the movie Gladiator.  A grown man.  And for the name underneath the quote, where the author of the quote usually is, all it says is “-Gladiator,” so everyone knows it’s from the movie.  At least he could have put the script writer’s name, to preserve a bit of his dignity, but no, Gladiator it is.  HE’S COOL.

Man, with both the NFL and NBA possibly in lockout next season, I have no idea what pro sport I’m going to watch.  One thing’s for sure though, I would watch professional knitting before I watched professional baseball.

My desk at work is right next to the two copiers, so any time they need to be repaired (which is all the time), the copier guy makes small talk with me.  For whatever reason he was in an especially talkative mood today, because he talked to me for half an hour about the stuff he’s learned over the years while repairing copiers on military bases… Also about the UFO he saw last Halloween, but that’s a different story.  Actually it’s just a different part of the same story, because he never stopped talking.

Like he said, even high security military facilities have copiers and printers that need repairing.  Who’d have thought a copier repairman would so change my view of the world.

Rantily yours,

-Andrew

P.S. Oh and this:

Obscure internet humor + Harry Potter = I'm writing a blog post at 8:30 on a Friday night.

That's just cruel.

Man, today was the Fourth of July, and all I wanted to do was grill something, swim, and explode stuff in my front lawn just like our founding fathers did when they were declaring independence from King George III.  But alas, we haven’t had rain in weeks here, so a burn ban was put in affect for our entire county, making the detonation of fireworks illegal.  Talk about a wet blanket on my patriotism.

Anyway,

It’s been hot here lately.  So hot you can taste it when you get in your car, kind of metallic on your tongue.  So hot that you wish you had bathed in deodorant because you sweat from places you’ve never sweat from before.  So hot the milk you drank for breakfast curdles in your stomach as you walk from your car into the store.  I must be an Okie, because I actually kind of like it.

It's all part of their plan...

Call me insecure, but I prefer pencils to pens any day.

Thank God it says “do not eat” on that silica gel packet, it just looks so tasty in there amongst that beef jerky.

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is delicious.  I crave that blue-boxed goodness in the summer more than anything else.  It has a dark side however…

Have you ever had it left over?? The second you put it in the fridge it turns from a delicious, cheesy pasta entree, to a pale yellow, cardboard tasting  sludge.  I don’t understand how something so amazing can turn into something so horrible with the mere application if cold.  The moral of the story is: eat the whole box, you pansy.

I think it’s my Viking heritage, but I do not tan well.  I’m kind of like a reptile; if I get in the sun for an extended period of time I burn, then my skin peels off, and I am just as white as I was before.

Better than a pickup line.

I was walking along the sidewalk this morning, when out of the bushes and onto the sidewalk in front of me hops an adorable bunny.  I proceeded slowly towards him as he eyed me warily.  And still I proceeded. And still he remained.  When I was about two feet away from him I couldn’t decide what to do, I wasn’t sure if it was a really friendly rabbit, or if it was a really rabid rabbit, waiting cutely to infect me with Rabies.  I just sort of sidestepped him uneasily and went on my way.  Weird.

I will never understand why people take pictures of fireworks.  We’ve all seen pictures of fireworks before, and they always turn out horrible.  And you end up watching the whole fireworks show through a tiny screen instead of right in front of your face.  Besides, who is just like “Sweet! I would love to look at all 150 of your blurryass pictures of colored blobs in the sky!”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done it too, I did it this year even, it just makes no sense.

Happy 4th,

-Andrew

I am a nerd.

Today is the anniversary of the D-Day invasion of Europe in World War II, so if you know a D-Day or World War II veteran, make sure you thank them for their service to humanity, because sadly you probably wont have too many more years to do it.  They would probably hate my blog… Also watch Saving Private Ryan, but only if you’re with people you’re comfortable crying around.

It’s hot outside.  I like it.  Then again, I wouldn’t want to be out working in it. But I wouldn’t want to be out working in any weather, so that’s probably part of it. I was talking to a middle schooler the other day, and he mentioned several times how much he hated school.  I said surely he couldn’t hate all of school, and I asked what part of school he hated.  His response was, “I just hate the questions,” and he didn’t know why teachers had to ask him questions they already knew the answers to. I still haven’t decided if his answer was naive or incredibly wise.

It’s always weird when somebody drives past your office window if your window isn’t facing a street or a parking lot…

I recently ate at a restaurant at which I ordered a Kobe beef hamburger.  I think the best part was the smell of affluence when I walked in the door.

When I talk to girls I always make sure to look them straight in the eye or off to the side when I’m talking to them.  Mostly out of respect, but also to make sure they know I’m not looking at their boobs.

Just F.Y.I. ladies, that’s really hard to do when you have something written on your shirt.  Trying to discreetly  read it without looking like I’m staring at your chest is an awkward dance.  What is your goal with the chest literature?? It’s confusing!

One thing I’ll never understand is Giant Smarties.  Nobody likes smarties, they’re the bastard candy of the trick-or-treat bag, left unwanted for months until they’re rediscovered and eaten out of sheer boredom.  So why would

WHYYYYY??

you want giant, chalky tabs of sour, flavorless awfulness?

Apologies to anyone in the Smartie-loving demographic (if you’re real), but you have terrible taste in candy. You’re also a chalk-eating robot.

Lunch breaks are a rare thing for me, I usually get by on Coffee Mate and butter mints.   Don’t judge me.

Sometimes I wish my life was a teen movie, they always work out so nicely.

On that subject (whoa, coherence): Everyone is the protagonist in their own life movie.  Though I’m the protagonist is quite a few people’s life movies..

Seriously though, everybody thinks they’re the good guy, keep that in mind the next time someone pisses you off, he’s probably just advancing his own plot line.

Also remember this: “…much has been gained if we succeed in turning your hysterical misery into common unhappiness.” -Sigmund Freud

I guess that’s sort of related? I’m going with yes.

I blame the heat,

-Andrew

P.S. As of two days ago this is my new favorite song. (Ignore the video, it’s weird and unrelated.)

Summering

So it turns out having two jobs is exhausting.  Yeah I know it’s only two part time jobs, and it’s the summer and all but to be fair, most people with 2 jobs aren’t lazy jerks like myself.  So basically it’s not my fault, waaaahh.  Anyway, I’ve been working a lot lately, and I can only hope that whatever I waste my paychecks on is worth it.

I wish I could hold an international conference of Andrew Romans’s, just out of curiosity.

Working int he president’s office is doing strange things to my summer.  Normally right now I would be sleeping till lunch, growing a beard, and cargo shortsing it up.  Instead I go to work at 8 every morning, have to shave every day, and dress like I’m about to go yachting.  I guess that’s what grownup summers are like.

Man, I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I hate it when you’re walking down a long hallway and there’s someone on the other end walking towards you.  I never know what to do! Do I stare them down the entire time like it’s a duel? Do I avoid eye contact the entire time like they’re freaking Medusa? I usually end up staring at the floor or the ceiling and making brief, intermittent glances in their direction until I get close, when I finally make brief eye contact.  If they’re an old lady I smile politely, if it’s an attractive female I smile coyly, though I suspect it comes off as more of a grimace, I am not good with facial expressions, and if it’s a dude I sort of nod and look serious. I’m weird.

Being skin-cancer free is nice and all but man, If I go outside shirtless my extreme whiteness is a hazard to passing planes.  It’s my Norwegian heritage, I’ve evolved to blend in with the snow.

I was cleaning out my room the other day and I found an old poetry project from a high school English class, man I was a dork.  Thank god I grew out of that stage…

Maybe if someone convinces me I’ll post a couple of them sometime. ;)

Probably not,

-Andrew

P.S. I am having a hard time writing lately, if anyone has any blog requests or ideas let me know, it would be much appreciated!!

P.P.S. Really, no one ever responds to these requests, but e-mail me, facebook me, comment on here, whatever! Just let me know your ideas, your thoughts and comments, anything you jerks. :)

As my views spiral down toward nonexistence, I feel compelled to explain my absence from the blogosphere *shudders at the word “blogoshpere” *. Whether or not there was any concern for my return to posting I’m not aware, but in my mind someone was concerned.  Thanks for caring, you!

-Anywho-

Sorry for the week long post hiatus, I was on vacation in sunny Paperlandia.  And by vacation I mean the exact opposite of that.  I’ve been doing lots of work.  Lot’s of incredibly stressful, time consuming, sub par work.  And by sunny I mean dismal and awful in every way.  College is hard.

I posted this on my Facebook a while back. I didn't take it, but I'm not sure who did, so to avoid plagiarism: Credit to the clever bastard wrote this on his or her test.

Also my Asian friends are way too persuasive when it comes to talking me into staying up until 4:30 in the morning playing online video games.

The right amount of Easter candy is way too much Easter candy.  And I will eat it all.

In my family it’s less celebrating Easter and more celebrating Get Jesus Christ Superstar Stuck In Your Head For Eternity Day.

I’m not sure what logic led the cleaning lady to clean the bathroom at 10:00 am, but that led to an incredibly awkward post-shower encounter.

Note to self: when taunting the misting weather to man up and actually rain, make sure you you have a jacket.  In case the weather actually mans up and rains.

Don’t worry, procrastination, half-assery, and Facebook are all important parts of my Writing Process.

I endeavored to write a quality post today, but college has said otherwise, so I apologize for this less than satisfying entry. I also feel sickish, booooo.

On the brink of implosion,

-Andrew

Everybody could use a little more adorable in their life.

Don’t you hate that?  The internet sucks sometimes.

Today is Monday.  Obviously. I am officially sick of Rebecca Black weekday jokes, so I’ll spare you if you spare my Facebook.

My dorm floor smells like something different every day.  Anything from burnt popcorn, to “oh my God, what is that smell?”, my dorm floor is a regular olfactory adventure.  Today’s flavor? Spaghettio’s and piss!

Ugh. Sorry for that.

With the regularity of a rooster announcing the arrival of dawn, the guy a few doors down who yells f*** in the hallway and then slams his door announces the arrival of 3 am.

Anyone interested in free flash drives should just follow me around when I go to computer labs, because nine times out of ten the answer to “Did I leave my damn flash drive in the lab again?” is “Yes.  Very Yes.”

Update: I’m actually writing this blog from the lab, because I had to retrieve my flash drive.  I don’t make this stuff up.

It gets awkward when someone is using the computer I left it in, and I have to nonchalantly walk past them and pull it out without looking like A.) a moron for leaving my flash drive in the computer or B.) a creeper trying to smell their hair or mess with their computer or something creepy.

I bought a new deodorant the other day endorsed by Bear Grylls, it even has his picture on the lid.  Of all the people to market deodorant, why him?? In all of his episodes he ends up covered in mud and leeches, eats a large bug, and then gets naked and pees on himself, because that’s apparently the solution to 70% of the problems one encounters in the wilderness.

I do not want to smell like that.

Update: being the connoisseur of deodorant that I am, it actually ended up smelling pretty good, and I’ll probably use it for a couple of weeks before I pick a new scent.

Whenever you see someone walking down the sidewalk smiling, what’s the first thing you think? That they’re happy? No, you think they’re crazy, and probably that their imaginary friend just told them a really funny joke.  It’s weird… Happy people….

Instead of putting up signs with rules on them, I want to put up signs that just say “No.” on them.  That way people wont be sure what not to do, and they’ll be extra careful not to do anything bad.

I’m not sure it’s a refusal to fail, as much as a refusal to admit failure.

Hot fashion tip! Guys, don’t tuck your t-shirts into your khaki’s. As slimming as it might be, you look weird.  And it’s not slimming.  You just look weird.

Almost summer,

-Andrew

P.S. Only one filler picture today! :D Although those are likely your favorite part….

Just kidding, I don’t sleep.  I just wanted you to read this.

Do you ever walk up to automatic doors only to have them not open? I do.  And I can think of only 3 possible scenarios.  (A) I’m a ghost.  (B) I should be a burglar.  or (C) All of the above.

Guys, why does the bathroom smell like pot? Actually, I’m pretty sure I know why the bathroom smells like pot, and what I meant to say was, ARE YOU RETARDED?

Must have been a slow news cycle. Or else the other news channels are doing it wrong.

I can’t remember the last time I walked into my room and my roommate wasn’t playing Starcraft. Wait, sometimes he’s asleep.  Oh and there was a short period of time where it was Call of Duty instead, so, I guess there’s that.

On an unrelated note, hey Allen, glad you’re taking a Starcraft break!

When I see someone I know when I’m walking to class wearing my headphones, I often say something in addition to a friendly smile or wave.  Most of the time afterwards I have no idea what I said, or if the noise I made was even vaguely intelligible.

Hey, dude with the cargo shorts and fanny pack, why do you need both? That’s the point of cargo shorts.  They are the utility belt of the pants world.  Do you really have THAT much small stuff to carry on your way to class?  Also, you reek of sunscreen and loneliness.

Too soon?

My review of Dead Space 2:  Flashlight flashlight flashlight, blood on the walls, flashlight flashlight, creepy sound effect, flashlight flashli–HOLY SHIIIII- pause, change your pants- IIT!!!!!! Shooting shooting shooting, flashlight flashlight flashlight…. (repeat until all you dream about for the next week is a zombie apocalypse.)

I have 12 papers to write,

-Andrew

P.S. I’m thinking about changing the title for my blog to attract more views, so if you have any ideas, feel free to Facebook message me, send me an e-mail, or write it in blood on my wall.  Whatever works for you! I’ll get a poll set up somewhere so I can make it official-like.

It’s Thursday, Friday of the weekdays.

he doesn't need Red Bull, wings would only slow him down.

The number of papers I have to write by the end of the month is stacking up, with a total of 12 papers.  32 pages worth. Yet still I blog.  I’m not sure if it’s because of the devotion I feel to you, my readers (if you exist), or for my narcissistic need for more views.  I’m going with the devotion one.

So if you saw me on campus today you might have noticed that my pants were about to fall down.  This was not a fashion statement.  I wasn’t “bustin’ a sag” as the principle of my old Junior High used to be fond of saying.  It’s just incredibly hard to find shorts with the right waist size for me, so if I have too many things in my pockets they fall down.  Tis my curse.

And no, belts don’t help either.

One thing I will never understand is the Teletubbies.  How can something so disturbing on so many levels be so popular with small children? I now understand how this happens [insert picture of the girl from The Ring]. Kids have the worst taste in TV. Geez.

Tee hee, art reference.

The other day whilst walking to class, despite my ninja-like solicitor-avoidance powers, I got stopped by this guy who claimed to be a monk, who tried to get my gift cards.  He just looked like a nerd at first, so I didn’t think he was selling anything, but then he complemented me on my sunglasses, which weirdly stopped me long enough for him to hand me a book.  He then started telling me about how he was a monk, giving me some really vague details about how he was changing the world. I was so flustered by the encounter I don’t even remember the book now, but he said it was free, then proceeded to ask me for donations.  I said I didn’t have any cash, trying to be as polite as possible, so he asked if I had any gift cards, to which I responded, “ahhh… no? I’m laaate for class… ” I tried to escape by handing him back the book, which he eventually took, and walking away. Even as I walked away he kept asking me for donations to which I would awkwardly turn around and say I had to get to class.

Something was not right about that guy, I don’t know if it was the enlightenment in his eyes or what, but I got the distinct impression that should I turn my back and all the people around vanished he would do unspeakable things to me. Gave me the creeps in a big way.  Watch out for that guy.

I think people can just sense my inability to say no.

I’m really starting to get into photography, and I almost dropped 650 bucks on a camera yesterday.  It was a great deal but uh, very an impulse.  I need to have someone constantly watch over me and make sure I don’t buy stuff I don’t need.

Also if any of my attractive readers are interested in modeling for me, that’d be fun, eh? Aww, who am I kidding, you’re all attractive!

So yeah, I don’t have much else to say today. I’ve got a pretty decent post in the works though, so, stay tuned.. you beautiful person you!

Almost there,

-Andrew

Hey everybody, it’s Thursday! …..Yeah!

I’m all for global warming if it means avoiding nasty days like yesterday, which seem to support the lesser accepted theory of global colding.

I realized today, after watching a movie filmed in the 70’s, that my hairstyle is about 40 years behind the times.

We have, a fairy, in Lincoln Park...

That wasn’t my cell phone, I’ve just taken up the pocket marimba.

But unlike you, I don’t have an iPhone. Or even a smart phone.  I think my phone is what they used to call a candy bar phone.  Yumm.

I hate those nights when you think you see a spider on the wall above your bed, but by the time you find something to kill it with it’s gone.  Then for the rest of the night everything you feel is a venomous spider.

I’d be okay if it was a radioactive spider though, that’d be neat.

When you go to wash your hands in a public bathroom and the water is way too hot, but rather than change the temperature you just put your hands under the water and take them out really quickly over and over.

You know a music video is good when it comes with a safety warning to epileptics at the front.  You know it’s even better when it actually causes epilepsy.

Also, Rhianna’s outfit in that video? Yeah… yeah.  That’s all I have to say about that.

By the way I was talking about Kanye West’s new All of the Lights video, if you haven’t seen it yet (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAfFfqiYLp0)

“I don’t want to interrupt this epileptic seizure but– these are some of the greatest flashing lights of all time!”

For being a food I eat principally when I’m in a hurry, Hot Pockets have got to be the worst food to try to eat fast.  The faster you try to eat them, the more lava-hot cheese and molten mystery meat gets squirted into your mouth.

Gettin’ ready for the weekend weekend,

-Andrew

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