Long time no see, reader.  That is definitely my bad.  The following is a list (in no particular order) of insanely popular trends that need to get off my lawn– I mean, social media.

No offense.   ?

10.) Keep Calm and Insert Tired Witticism

It hasn’t been funny since World War Two.

9.) Gangnam Style

The original was funny, your parody video is not.

8.) Vampires

For the love of God please just stop.

7.) Insta-selfies

Girls, I’m happy you love your face from odd angles so much, but stop taking pictures of yourself with your phone and posting them with weak justifications attached. Guys, get your hand out of your pants and your ass out from in front of the bathroom mirror, you look like a tool.

Endless selfies don’t make you more attractive to the opposite sex. I am as self-absorbed as the next guy, but I realize that no one wants to see that. The Internet is not your mirror, and we both know you’re not really that bored.

6.) Enormous Headphones

It’s not the 80’s anymore.  We have the technology.

5.) Greek Chic

Girls, is that your dad’s t-shirt? And guys, that’s a nice coral-colored long sleeve tee, but are you really that into fishing and/or boating?

4.) Pumpkin Everything

I know it’s fall, but that doesn’t mean everything I consume has to taste like pumpkin pie.

3.) Internet Access Required

It seems like more and more, nothing works without internet access. What if I don’t want to be constantly connected? What if I don’t want everyone to know what I’m doing all the time.  *shifty glance in either direction*  Besides, it will just make it easier for the computers to track and destroy us when they rise up to destroy us in the future.

2.) Average Movie, Part 2

Breaking movies into multiple parts is the worst.  It’s worse than 3D.  It’s worse than The Phantom Menace, Grease 2, and Jurassic Park 3.

Splitting a movie into parts comes off like a giant middle finger to the viewer, because the studio knows you will pay full price to see both, thus doubling their box office intake.  Also most of the time, the movie doesn’t need to be split into multiple parts anyway.

Splitting the last Harry Potter in two didn’t make Daniel Radcliffe a better actor, nor did it make the endless camping scene any more interesting.  The Hobbit is the worst of the Lord of the Rings books, it most certainly does not require 3 parts.  I know Peter Jackson will do a good job, and I will pay to see all three parts, but it comes off as a shameless way to make three times the money.

…Don’t even get me started on Twilight.

1.) Glupocalypse

I’m sure some people are allergic to Gluten or whatever, but the abundance of signs advertising Gluten-free and people who avoid Gluten like the plague make me wonder how we survived as a species before we had the technology to remove Gluten from our pizza.

Kids these days,

-Andrew

P.S. I couldn’t find any decent, related funny pictures to rip off for this post in the five minutes I searched.  Sorry you had to suffer through that pictureless mass of words. Also sorry for not posting in the last few… months.  It happens.