Tag Archive: life


I prefer the term eccentric, but crazy is the spice of life. Life hacks are just easy little things you can do to make your life slightly easier or more efficient. Solving life’s little problems if you will. Since I tend to be somewhat spacey, I use some weird but effective methods function on a day-to-day basis. And some of them I will probably make up for humor because I can’t think of ten.

At least I’m honest.

1.) Problems with lateness?

Play exciting soundtrack music while when you’re driving. I reccomend pretty much anything Hans Zimmer, but James Bond does the trick too. You’ll feel like you’re in an action movie, and your groggy drive to school becomes an epic race against the clock. I won’t pay your speeding tickets though. So…watch out for that.

Also, set your alarm clock 15 minutes fast. You’ll be too groggy to remember you changed it in the morning, so you’ll freak out and move extra fast.

2.) Can’t remember things?

Guys: You look like a tool with your planner and highlighters everywhere, and that only works if you carry a purse around. I’m all for gender equality, but come on. Write stuff in pen on the back of your hand, wash it off after you do that thing. Works every time.

Girls: keep carrying that planner and those highlighters around because I’ll probably forget something and have to ask you.

3.) Worried about smelling bad?

Wear deodorant. Contrary to what you might think, smelling like crap doesn’t make you more attractive to the opposite sex. This one might make me seem like a crazy person, but I keep deodorant just about everywhere I might need it. Got a few sticks in the car, some in my trumpet case, and an obscene amount in my room. Too much. It’s a condition. But hey, at least I smell good. (I hope…)

4.) Acne? Fatness?

Drink lots of water. This one is medically certified and you can look it up just about anywhere, but drinking plenty of water is one of the major keys to being healthy. I know, water is boring, but if you at least drink less soda, and more water you’ll be better off. Drink more water than you think you need. Drink it when you’re not thirsty. I guarantee it will help clear your face up, you’ll be less obese, and you’ll be much healthier overall.

5.) Feeling sick?

Now this one I can’t vouch for medically, but it’s kept me from getting sick for at least 3 years. I can’t even remember the last time I got actually sick. When you start to feel sick, drink a big glass of orange juice, take two ibuprofen, and refuse to believe that you’re sick. Just forget about it. Then throughout the day drink as much water as possible, and take a little more ibuprofen if you need to. Continue this each morning until you feel better. Works like a charm if you believe it, because 60% (I made that statistic up) of illness is mental.

It also helps if you’re The Chosen One.

6.) Bad eating habit?

Eat so much of that thing that you get physically ill. Then I guarantee you won’t want to eat it again. Just thinking about chicken wings makes me want to puke.

7.) Depressed?

Beat the crap out of something (please not someone). Well, that’s not entirely true, just get active. Pushups, running, tennis, walking, anything works. Nothing relieves stress for me better than racquetball, where you can hit a rubber ball as hard as you possibly can, and it keeps coming back to you. Kind of like…. ahhh, that would be in poor taste.

8.) Hate feeling stupid when you talk to people?

Watching the news or reading the paper is boring, so I just set my home page to CNN or nytimes.com. Any time you get on your computer to check your Facebook, play Neopets, or whatever you do on the internet behind that locked door (you freak), you’ll see the world’s most major headlines. Always useful for general small talk or sounding smartish.

9.) Your ego too big for Facebook? Way too much free time?

Try blogging, you narcissistic jerk. Okay this isn’t a real tip, I just sincerely hope that’s not how my blog comes across.

10.) Trouble thinking of ten things?

Just put the word “almost” in front of the word “ten,” and people won’t realize they’ve been cheated. Sorry people.

;

It’s too nice outside to blog ,

And I’m hungry,

But mostly lazy,

-Andrew

;

Advertisements

Every genius with fingers and internet access has had a Facebook status about how Facebook has kept them from doing their homework or some other incredibly important task.  I’m no exception, so don’t get your knickers in a twist. I’m sick of those statuses.  However, there are two sides to every cyber coin, and even the most negative aspects of Facebook can have positive functions.  That being said, I’m also sick of hearing how Facebook has defined our generation.  Sure it fuels revolutions and high school drama but that could have been accomplished just as well with AIM, e-mail, or Myspace.   Basically, I use Facebook a lot, it’s great, but shut up about it.  *Enter blog post about Facebook*

This one goes out to all my Facebook friends, most of which I’ve never actually talked to and probably never will.

1.) Facebook Creeping.

Improved my life: S***, she has a boyfriend.

Ruined my life: *Clicks on 100th vacation photo posted by that girl who sat 3 seats behind me in one of my classes freshman year*

*Head explodes*

2.) Facebook Chat.

Improved my life: Hey there, person I’m too scared to talk to in real life. ;)

Ruined my life: I accidentally say “lol” in actual conversations.

3.) Facebook Statuses.

Improved my life: I’m a cyber attention whore.  Hence: BLOG.

I had no idea what to put for a picture on this one. This is, ah, hilarious...

Ruined my life: I forgot I was Facebook friends with my mom.

Also, don’t Facebook about your bowel movements. Ew.

4.) Facebook Messages.

Improved my life: Less scary than Facebook Chat and talking in person.  You can take as long as you want to respond, and you can send the same message to 10 people at once.

Ruined my life: They have to be prefaced with “I swear I’m not a creeper but….”  Also event messages to events you don’t have the stones to click “not attending” on because you don’t want to look like a douche.

5.) Facebook Events.

Improved my life: “Hey friends, come do this fun activity with me! :D” and “Hey! I got invited to something, they do care about me! :D”

Ruined my life: “Attending” = maybe attending, “Maybe attending” = not coming,  and “Not attending” = F*** you, I’m too cool for your event.

6.) Facebook Mobile.

Improved my life: I’m updating my status from somewhere way cooler than where you are.  (I’m not, I’m actually at my computer in a dark dorm room)

Ruined my life: Group messages.  I’m glad you’re stoked about this club, but could you have your conversation about it somewhere other than my cell phone?

7.) Facebook.

Improved my life: It helps to stave off the crushing weight of loneliness.  I’m also an attention whore. I mean I’m just a witty dude with a lot to share with the world.

Ruined my life: Staring at the home page is much more interesting than just about anything academic.  My friends are way cooler than me.

 

I wrote this while on Facebook,

-Andrew

P.S. If you’re reading this and am Facebook friends with me, chat me sometime, it’ll only be slightly weird at first.  If I immediately go offline don’t take it personally, I probably have something more interesting to do.

%d bloggers like this: