Archive for April, 2012

I’m sick of the f-word.

Finals. Finals Finals Finals.  Stop it.  Your complaints aren’t funny or original, and everybody is tired of hearing about it.

I’m so mad I wrote a haiku. Or a… “hate-ku.”

Finals: a haiku.

everyone has them

it’s why you are in college

so quit your bitching.

That being said, everything > studying.  Hence blog post. *hypocritical sad trombone*

There should be some sort of transition here, but there isn’t.

This probably makes me an Okie, but when there’s a bunch of doomsday talk about a tornado outbreak, and all you get is a thunderstorm, it’s kind of like biting into a cookie that you thought was chocolate chip, only to find out it’s raisin.  It’s still a cookie, and it’s probably better for you, but you can’t hide the fact that you’re disappointed.

I wonder if the people who make announcements over the loudspeakers in the airport realize that no one can hear them…

Dear Caribou Coffee,

Stop dying your whipped cream.


-Andrew’s Khaki Pants

Facebook cover photos are not second profile pictures.  I am about as narcissistic as they come, but I understand that you don’t need to see a giant picture of my face on top of a smaller picture of my face when you visit my profile.  You look like some kind of self-obsessed, human Russian nesting doll.

If anyone is under the impression that I’m put together, I’m not.  I’m just good at faking it.

With all the construction on campus recently, I’m starting to think I’m actually just a guinea pig at a construction working training academy.  Like I’m being tested for how much construction equipment they can put between me and anywhere on campus I happen to be going before I snap and try to kick over a bulldozer.

My scholastic accomplishment for the year was turning a bulleted, incoherent list that took up 3/4th’s of a page into a ten page research paper in one night.  I would say something cliché about procrastination, but by using the words cliché and procrastination in a sentence together I already did.  YOU’RE SO CLEVER, average Facebook user.

You've probably seen this before, but still. Fiery dismemberment not included.

Super excited for the Avengers this Friday,


P.S. Also excited for Summer.  And sentence fragments.

*Note: no Belize puns were abused in the making of this blog post.

After spending the majority of Winter Break playing Skyrim and ruminating about my lack of substantial collegiate success and international experience, I spontaneously signed up for a Spring Break service-learning course in Belize: International Perspectives in Health.  The aim of the course was teaching health education and disease prevention at St. Mary’s Primary School in Belize City, it would last 8 days, and it took place over spring break.  With no experience teaching health education or primary school children, no previous international experience, and no idea what to expect, I wrote a check for most of my savings, Googled Belize, and boarded a plane to Central America.

Pardon the rust, it’s been awhile.

Damn, I forgot my DS and I’m already in the airport! :O Good thing there’s this handy dandy electronics vending machine! You know, I’m in the mood for a digital camera too, what the hell.  Thanks, Best Buy Express! :D

Apparently there’s a shortage of air marshals on commercial flights? My theory is that instead of training more air marshals, the TSA has taken to training babies to cry continuously, and placing them on every commercial flight instead.  That way a potential terrorist is more likely to shoot himself 30 minutes into the flight instead of attempting a hijacking.

The airport in Belize was way more chill than airports in the US.  In Belize, you just waltz up to your plane on the tarmac.  If you feel like boarding in the back, sure.  In the front? That works too! In the US it’s like boarding a freaking spaceship, if spaceships were filled with old ladies carrying a hundred pounds of bricks in their carry-ons.

There are two types of people on the road in Belize: people on bikes, and people trying to run you over.

America, Y U NO HAVE WATERMELON JUICE??? So grood (great and good).

Fitting for the year in which we traveled, we visited the Mayan ruins of Altun Ha. It’s never good when out of the entire group, the guide learns your name.  Because I tended to loiter and take pictures behind the rest of the group, we were addressed as a group as “Nice People… and Andrew.”

Also, never trust a local who offers you an unnamed pepper, straight off of a plant.  She just wants to see you cry.  Or maybe she just wants to see Andrew cry.

Belize was amazing.  Out of the one foreign countries I’ve been to, it is far and away my favorite.

No really, it’s difficult to write about because it was so awesome.  My usual style of humor is just stylized complaining, and there isn’t much to complain about Belize.  The food was great, the hotel was nice, the country was beautiful,  the culture was awesome, and the people were friendly.

By the end I had turned into a mosquito-buffet, cooked well-done by the Caribbean sun, but that was the fault of a lack of bug spray and my pasty Scandinavian heritage.

Because I am so incredibly busy with school at the moment (32 pages worth of essays to write and counting), I’m going to be lazy with this blog and insert a gallery with some of the pictures I took while on the trip.  Enjoy.

Captions coming later…. maybe.

International man of mediocrity,


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