I’m in college.  I walk to class.  There are lots of other people who do the same.  The following are some observations from my walks to and from class today.

-Do you ever accidentally say something you’re thinking out loud? Today these two girls were walking obnoxiously slowly in front of me, and I accidentally said “Jesus Christ…..” under my breath as I passed by. Apparently it was audible because they only moved out of my way after a very sassy apology.

-So I was Facebook creeping on someone today, someone who I’ve never spoken to in any venue, digital or flesh.  Humorously, the only conclusion I could draw about this person after looking at every single one of his/her profile pictures was,  “What a f******g weirdo.” I realize I’m a horrible person, we’ve acknowledged that, but some people just don’t have a single redeeming value, and thus can only be described as a f******g weirdo. (Don’t worry though, if you’re reading this, you have a redeeming value.) Don’t get me wrong, weirdness can be a good thing, but when it’s not at all funny or entertaining, and utterly unexplainable, that’s when it crosses into the realm of undesirable.

[This is where the picture would go if I hadn’t been too lazy to find one.]

-That awkward moment when you’re walking at a pace that’s just slightly faster than the person in front of you, they’re swinging their arms as they walk, and all of a sudden as you move to pass them they swing their arm a little too far and there is a brief moment of hand-to-junk contact with a stranger.  Yeah that’s always uncomfortable.

-I have never understood the Fraternity and Sorority system, the different letters and such.  Apart from an apparent surplus of doucheassery and pastel, it’s all Greek to me. *rimshot*

Sorry bro, that was an over-generalization for comedic purposes, don’t get your pink, flat front shorts in a twist (you fashionista you). Besides, how fun is the word “doucheassery”??

-Man, I hate it when someone is texting and walking right in front of you when you’re late to class, and they somehow predict your passing maneuvers and block you at every attempt.

-See someone you recognize walking to class, half-assedly say their name.  30 steps later realize that’s not their name.

Socially awkward sophomore,