Archive for August, 2011


I suppose these aren’t really volumes per se, rather a short collection of semi-coherent thoughts on a similar subject,

but I digress.

(The following was written yesterday, but the “publish” button was mysteriously unclicked…. oops. The parenthesis’d words were added today) An unprecedented two posts in two days! Wow, yay me, right? Anyone remember the last time I posted twice in two days? Yeah neither do I, I think it was February-ish.  Back when blogging filled me with a childlike sense of wonderment and imagination.

So anyway, today is part two of (the day before) yesterday’s post. Actually it’s mostly the stuff I was going to write (the day before) yesterday, but either A. It got washed off my hand where I had scribbled it to remember it, or B. It didn’t make it onto my hand in the first place. My writing process is pretty state of the art.

Moving on…

-You know when you’re following someone up a fairly tall and steep flight of stairs, and your climbing pace is just such that their ass is directly in front of your face for the entire climb? Yeah I hate that.

-I was driving on an errand at work today, and this larger woman on a bicycle was bicycling along in front of me towards the side of the road.  Normally that would have been fine.  That was her right as a bicyclist, and obesity is frequently beyond the control of the obese. It’s like a disease, I get that. Okay. BUT, it wasn’t fine.

For one, because of the ill-fitting nature of her sweatpants, half of her ass was out, and the physics of being on a bike seat did not help the image burned forever onto my retinas.  Secondly, because she was so large, I couldn’t really get around her, for fear of hitting the oncoming traffic.  Finally, she was pedaling in a comically low gear, so that no matter how fast her substantial legs pedaled, she might as well have been on a stationary bike.

I’m sorry, but that just doesn’t work for me.

-I never thought I’d say it, but skateboards are now just hipster longboards.  The fixed-gear bike of the boarding world if you will.

-Have you ever seen someone who looks really good from one angle, but really freaky from every other?

Just don’t turn your head, I’ll use my imagination.

-Dear Guy in Adjacent Shower Stall Who Shot Several Snot Rockets Whilst Showering,

YOU ARE A DISGUSTING, UNLOVABLE MONSTER.

Sincerely,

-Andrew

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I’m in college.  I walk to class.  There are lots of other people who do the same.  The following are some observations from my walks to and from class today.

-Do you ever accidentally say something you’re thinking out loud? Today these two girls were walking obnoxiously slowly in front of me, and I accidentally said “Jesus Christ…..” under my breath as I passed by. Apparently it was audible because they only moved out of my way after a very sassy apology.

-So I was Facebook creeping on someone today, someone who I’ve never spoken to in any venue, digital or flesh.  Humorously, the only conclusion I could draw about this person after looking at every single one of his/her profile pictures was,  “What a f******g weirdo.” I realize I’m a horrible person, we’ve acknowledged that, but some people just don’t have a single redeeming value, and thus can only be described as a f******g weirdo. (Don’t worry though, if you’re reading this, you have a redeeming value.) Don’t get me wrong, weirdness can be a good thing, but when it’s not at all funny or entertaining, and utterly unexplainable, that’s when it crosses into the realm of undesirable.

[This is where the picture would go if I hadn’t been too lazy to find one.]

-That awkward moment when you’re walking at a pace that’s just slightly faster than the person in front of you, they’re swinging their arms as they walk, and all of a sudden as you move to pass them they swing their arm a little too far and there is a brief moment of hand-to-junk contact with a stranger.  Yeah that’s always uncomfortable.

-I have never understood the Fraternity and Sorority system, the different letters and such.  Apart from an apparent surplus of doucheassery and pastel, it’s all Greek to me. *rimshot*

Sorry bro, that was an over-generalization for comedic purposes, don’t get your pink, flat front shorts in a twist (you fashionista you). Besides, how fun is the word “doucheassery”??

-Man, I hate it when someone is texting and walking right in front of you when you’re late to class, and they somehow predict your passing maneuvers and block you at every attempt.

-See someone you recognize walking to class, half-assedly say their name.  30 steps later realize that’s not their name.

Socially awkward sophomore,

-Andrew

I Can Haz College?

I haven’t posted in a while.  Things have been.. different, lately. Like I need to tell you, because you were concerned right? Whoever you are. I have a sneaking suspicion that I’ve lost my core base of readers over the bloggishly bleak course of this summer.  ANYWHO–

Pardon the language. I think he instigated the London riots.

Prime Minister is such an unwieldy leadership term. If I was ever a Prime Minister I wouldn’t be Prime Minister Romans no, I would go by Romans Prime.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in the course of my 18–shite, almost 20 now, years of existence, it’s that waffles are never a bad idea.

So the other day at work, like the 7th grader I am on the inside, I decided to add French Vanilla CoffeeMate to my Dr. Pepper.  It actually wasn’t half bad, it just sort of turned chunky and foamy, like a terrible root beer float.  But a terrible root beer float is better than no root beer float… :D

When I set alarms on my phone to wake me up, they always have really condescending messages attached.  I don’t know why, but “wake up, lazyass” does a better job of getting me out of bed than “Alarm 1.” What that says about my personality I probably don’t want to know.

People always complain about the drama in their lives, but I’ve always kind of relished it.  Drama is the spice of life; without it life would be bland and flavorless, but too much and it tastes like shit.

I would feel sorry for you, if you weren’t so effing annoying.

I like to play “Let’s Count the Hair Feathers” in my Intro to Screen Studies class. Film majors….

So yesterday I decided to take up the hobby of Nerf-modding, which, if you’re unfamiliar with that nerdology, is the practice of taking apart Nerf guns, tinkering with them, and putting them back together so they’re better.  Needless to say, one of my nerf guns is in pieces seemingly beyond repair, the other became frighteningly powerful, with a motor reminiscent of a chainsaw, and my bed is covered in WD-40.

Oh and this is our new chandelier....

Pete Storm is…

On my computer right now.

My first day of my sophomore year in college went pretty well, apart from falling up some stairs and hitting my face on a railing in front of a bunch of freshman English majors that is.  Always smooth.

Hopefully more content coming soon, I am more often surrounded by undesirables these days,

That makes me an awful human being, laugh at me,

-Andrew

If you read my somewhat melancholy and unsatisfying post yesterday, you’ll know that I feel like I’ve wasted my entire summer.  But there are two weeks left, and I’ve devised a plan to make it count, to echo the summers of old.  Every day I will do an activity reminiscent of summers past, and I will post the results here, for better or for worse.  Three parts nostalgia and one part random, this is an entertainment experiment the likes of which has never been attempted.

Okay, so I’ll probably end up running out of ideas after a couple days and that will be that, but uh, yeah. Any suggestions are welcome, in fact please send suggestions, because I only have about four ideas in my head at the moment.

And rather than bombard you with posts every day, I’ll just update this one as I feel the need, so check back if you’re interested.

Day 8: I Think 7 Days is Enough,

Results:

Only sort of a cop-out,

-Andrew

Day 7: The S.S. ARomDoms

I guess I should be more specific, I made an aluminum foil boat, please tell me you did that as a kid, if not go do it nao.  All it takes is a piece of aluminum foil and an imagination :D.

I spruced mine up a little with a skewer, a piece of paper, some cardboard, and an appropriately nautical themed Lego man, because I had way too much free time today.

The following is a photo essay on my time spent sailing the whole wide pool.

The sailing was smooth as the S.S. ARomDoms embarked on its epic journey to the other side of my pool.

Iceber-- the side of the pool ahoy!

These waters be shark infested...

Luckily, it was Harry, the boat salvaging shark. Why his name was Harry no one knew for sure...

Results:

I obviously had WAY too much fun.  Day 7: I feel like a kid again.

Day 6: Adventuring

Remember when you were a kid and you used explore the woods behind your house, fighting off invisible hordes of orcs and claiming new territory for the land of Androsidalia? Coming back at dusk, bloodied, dirty, and exhausted, but feeling heroic nonetheless?  That was where I spent most of my time as a kid, climbing trees and fashioning stick swords or magic staffs.

I set off to recreate those fond memories this afternoon, (because it was only, yeah ONLY, 101 today! ) hiking boots on and expectations high.

It was hot. Still really hot.

I flipped out when I saw a copperhead.

I went back inside and took a shower, like 15 minutes after I went out.

Results:

Adventuring is a fall activity. Day 6: Don’t judge me.

Day 5: Ice Cream Cone

Adults eat ice cream in bowls, because there’s no dignified way to eat an ice cream cone.  It gets all over your face, it drips everywhere, and you have to awkwardly yet sensuously lick it with your tongue.  Weird. But, ice cream cones were awesome when I was a kid, so I got a big cone of birthday cake ice cream with gummy bears. Yum.

Results:

110 degrees + ice cream cone + car = bad idea.  Day 5: Sticky…..

This should have been a sign...

Day 4: Dreamcast–I mean N64

I’ve got to start off by saying that the Sega Dreamcast was FAR superior to the Nintendo 64 and the Sony Playstation.  Better graphics, better controller, better everything.  Except no one bought it.  My family was one of the 5 Dreamcast-owning families in the country, so my reminiscing about the good old days of the Dreamcast wont strike a nostalgic chord in the hearts of my readers, unless you happen to either A.) be in my family, or B.), be one of the smartest video game shoppers in the country.

Anyway, I managed to find an N64, with it’s 3-handled abomination of a controller and early 90’s graphics quality, and play it.  To be specific, I played Cruisin’ Exotica and Pokemon Stadium, both classics of the N64’s repertoire.

The verdict? I think my standards in video game quality have risen considerably since the glory days of the N64, and my fabled third hand never grew, so I couldn’t properly use the stupid 3-pronged controller.  Also, Pokemon Stadium  was way more fun when you could load your own super powerful, rare-candied (Missingno anyone?), killing machines called Pokemon into it and pwn your noobish little neighbors.

Results:

I’m sure all you video game hipsters out there will hate me for this, but contrary to what you pretend to believe, video games have actually gotten better since they came out.  They were great for the technology of the time, but appreciate that technology has advanced. Some things get better with age, like wine and wizards; some things are timeless, like Saving Private Ryan and Happy Meals; but some things are better in your memory than in the present, like broken arms, jean shorts, and N64’s.  They make a fond memory, but reliving them isn’t quite as fun.

Day 4: Let’s be honest here, I’m just bitter that Dreamcast lost out to the N64.

I mean come on, it had a little gameboy thing inside of it that you could take with you anywhere, 10 years before the Pokewalker.

Day 3: Watch an Old Favorite Movie

Turns out all of the movies I used to watch as a kid are on VHS, and I’m pretty sure VCR’s all died (yes, died) in the early 2000’s, because I could not find one that worked to save my life.  I did however, find a copy of Jurassic Park II: The Lost World on VHS, still shrink-wrapped, because I was too scared to watch it as a kid.  But alas, I resigned to watch old trailers on YouTube, and Toy Story 3 on Blu Ray.   I figure it’s close enough, because Toy Story was my favorite movie when it came out, Andy (coincidence much?) graduated High School the same year I did, and he shares that same sense of sappy sentimentality that I do.   I don’t know if it’s just because of all the eerie similarities between Andy and I, or just because I grew up with Woody, Buzz and the gang, but that movie makes me cry every time.  So Grood.

Results:

Day Three: *sigh*

Also, I wear that shirt all the time, I have like three of them. This is me looking cool in Kansas City just two weeks ago. Anyone who creeps my Facebook pictures will find several pics of me over the years in that same shirt, I call it my protagonist shirt.

Day 2: Get Ripped

Okay so this is less nostalgic and more “I attempted this earlier this summer”-ish, but my motivation for fitness dwindles with each passing Dorito.  Also, I’m not sure this is possible in two weeks, but uh, grrrrrr, let’s do this!!

Attempted: 50 pushups

Completed: 48.5 pushups

Attempted: 30 laps in the pool

Completed: 23 and a handstand.

Attempted: Tons of weights and sweaty, workout-type stuff

Completed: A moderate amount of weights and sweaty, workout-type stuff

Results:

Pain, but I think I can feel a six-pack comin’ on. Day two: success?

Day 1: Legos

Okay so I’ll admit, this one isn’t as nostalgic as it maybe should be; it hasn’t been that long since I’ve played with Legos… Is it my fault that part of me is still 14 on the inside? Coolest toys ever.  I hate that they put age limits on them, I mean the lower limit I can understand, for choking hazards and stuff, but when you put that upper age limit at like 14-16 you alienate a good part of your customer base.  The man-child demographic who never really grew out of Legos is a significant faction, Lego! I had to buy a child’s birthday card with my Lego purchase, so I could convince the cashier that it was a gift for my little cousin or something.  Should there be so much shame?? I cannot be the only one who feels this way… Big kids of the world unite!  Let us cast off the shackles of shame and cashier judgement and buy our Legos with heads held high.

No? So maybe I’m the only one. But still.

Anyway, I bought some Legos, built them, destroyed them, and built them again.

Results:

Twas awesome, just like it was ages and ages and ages ago when I did it last.. You can see my Lego masterpiece below.  Day one: success.

Pictured: The bottom of the Ocean.

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