So last night I got to see my musical hero Ben Folds in concert for the first time at the bouncy Cain’s Ballroom in Tulsa, and I have to say, holy balls. It was amazing. He has so much energy, from when he slammed out Levi Johnston’s Blues to when he threw the piano bench at the piano at the end of the concert, he was nonstop. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and definitely worth the wait from when the concert was originally scheduled for February.  In case you weren’t aware, it was postponed for the biggest snowstorm in the history of snow that just happened to fall on the exact day Ben was scheduled to play in Tulsa.  Moshing to Effington on the bouncy floor of Cain’s with like 500 other sweaty Folds-ophiles like me who knew every word pretty much made my life.

Anyway, I’m done gushing, but that was definitely the highlight of my summer, and I’m buying my ticket to see him in OKC in November tonight.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen an edger before, but they’re these power tools that are designed to cut the grass next to sidewalks.  They feature a circular metal blade, a small lawn-mower-type engine, and the ability to drive me absolutely insane.  Something about the sound of that weed-eater engine combined with the high pitched shriek of metal scraping concrete has a direct line to my insanity bone. It drives me crazy, and for some inexplicable reason, Oklahoma State University seems to think that every single square inch where grass grows next to concrete must be edged AT LEAST three times a week.

I don’t get it.  It’s like they follow me around and make sure any sidewalk I walk on is free of grass, to make sure I don’t trip on the millimeter of grass that’s touching the sidewalk.  Because it ALWAYS happens to the sidewalk right outside my window, no matter what building I’m in, or what time of day it is.  It’s never consistent either, the sound constantly fades in and out, like some kind of crazy aural Chinese Water Torture.

zzzzzZZZZZZZZZrrrrrrt…….ZZZZzzZZzzzzzzzzzrttt….zzrt……..ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzZzZZZZZZZZZZZZZrrrrt…..zzzzzZZZrrt…. (That’s what it sounds like, except more metallic and horrible)

I didn’t need an alarm clock in the dorms, because the friendly neighborhood edgerman was always outside my window at 8 in the morning protecting my ankles from the evils of immaculately manicured grass.  And I lived on the 4th floor.

They edge way more than they mow, which makes no sense to me.  Why does that happen?  Edge when you mow! Why does unmown grass need edging? It’s like icing an unbaked cake.

Maybe I just don’t understand the importance of edging, but JESUS, I promise I’ll be okay if my sidewalks are unedged for like three days.

I just wrote half a page about edgers. Wow, why are you still reading this?

Don’t get mad, get RIPPED! Don’t just to sit-ups, do RAGE SIT-UPS!!! When you work out angry, you feel the burn in your abs AND your heart!

I don’t know if you know anyone like this, but I know a guy, an adult mind you, that signs the bottom of every e-mail he sends with a quote from the movie Gladiator.  A grown man.  And for the name underneath the quote, where the author of the quote usually is, all it says is “-Gladiator,” so everyone knows it’s from the movie.  At least he could have put the script writer’s name, to preserve a bit of his dignity, but no, Gladiator it is.  HE’S COOL.

Man, with both the NFL and NBA possibly in lockout next season, I have no idea what pro sport I’m going to watch.  One thing’s for sure though, I would watch professional knitting before I watched professional baseball.

My desk at work is right next to the two copiers, so any time they need to be repaired (which is all the time), the copier guy makes small talk with me.  For whatever reason he was in an especially talkative mood today, because he talked to me for half an hour about the stuff he’s learned over the years while repairing copiers on military bases… Also about the UFO he saw last Halloween, but that’s a different story.  Actually it’s just a different part of the same story, because he never stopped talking.

Like he said, even high security military facilities have copiers and printers that need repairing.  Who’d have thought a copier repairman would so change my view of the world.

Rantily yours,

-Andrew

P.S. Oh and this:

Obscure internet humor + Harry Potter = I'm writing a blog post at 8:30 on a Friday night.

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