That's just cruel.

Man, today was the Fourth of July, and all I wanted to do was grill something, swim, and explode stuff in my front lawn just like our founding fathers did when they were declaring independence from King George III.  But alas, we haven’t had rain in weeks here, so a burn ban was put in affect for our entire county, making the detonation of fireworks illegal.  Talk about a wet blanket on my patriotism.

Anyway,

It’s been hot here lately.  So hot you can taste it when you get in your car, kind of metallic on your tongue.  So hot that you wish you had bathed in deodorant because you sweat from places you’ve never sweat from before.  So hot the milk you drank for breakfast curdles in your stomach as you walk from your car into the store.  I must be an Okie, because I actually kind of like it.

It's all part of their plan...

Call me insecure, but I prefer pencils to pens any day.

Thank God it says “do not eat” on that silica gel packet, it just looks so tasty in there amongst that beef jerky.

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is delicious.  I crave that blue-boxed goodness in the summer more than anything else.  It has a dark side however…

Have you ever had it left over?? The second you put it in the fridge it turns from a delicious, cheesy pasta entree, to a pale yellow, cardboard tasting  sludge.  I don’t understand how something so amazing can turn into something so horrible with the mere application if cold.  The moral of the story is: eat the whole box, you pansy.

I think it’s my Viking heritage, but I do not tan well.  I’m kind of like a reptile; if I get in the sun for an extended period of time I burn, then my skin peels off, and I am just as white as I was before.

Better than a pickup line.

I was walking along the sidewalk this morning, when out of the bushes and onto the sidewalk in front of me hops an adorable bunny.  I proceeded slowly towards him as he eyed me warily.  And still I proceeded. And still he remained.  When I was about two feet away from him I couldn’t decide what to do, I wasn’t sure if it was a really friendly rabbit, or if it was a really rabid rabbit, waiting cutely to infect me with Rabies.  I just sort of sidestepped him uneasily and went on my way.  Weird.

I will never understand why people take pictures of fireworks.  We’ve all seen pictures of fireworks before, and they always turn out horrible.  And you end up watching the whole fireworks show through a tiny screen instead of right in front of your face.  Besides, who is just like “Sweet! I would love to look at all 150 of your blurryass pictures of colored blobs in the sky!”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done it too, I did it this year even, it just makes no sense.

Happy 4th,

-Andrew

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