Archive for June, 2011

This is my first attempt at video blogging, so yeah, easy on the hate.

Constructive criticism? Hate-filled negative comments? Any feedback is appreciated.

Yes it was slightly out of focus a couple times, and yes it was because I was too lazy to do another take after I realized it was out of focus. This is probably my first and only video blog, unless somebody really liked it or thinks it has potential.  I dunno about that.

Making it was way harder than I thought, talking is hard.



The Doldrums of Summer

I think my thus far soul-crushingly boring summer has effectively squeezed out what little blogging wit I had left, which is why it’s been taking me so much longer to publish new posts.  I apologize for the delays if you were at all concerned (I bet you were :D That’s so kind of you!).

Bluh, I need a muse.

I hate fairs.  The fair is where all the ugly, sticky people take their cousins to smell bad and litter. There are two things to do at the fair: One is to wade through crowds of sweaty, overall-wearing hill people and pubescent teenagers to strap yourself into spinning death traps assembled a few hours earlier by high school dropouts and ex-cons, and the other is to wade through crowds of sweaty, overall-wearing hill people and pubescent teens to buy face-greasifying deep-fried crap. Fun.

You know those dreams you have when you’re half asleep, where it feels like there is a spider or something crawling on you and you freak out and jump out of your bed?  Well last night I successfully convinced myself it was just a dream, only to find that there was actually a spider crawling on me.

Crossing my fingers for spidey powers tomorrow morning.

Speaking of which, I am entirely sick of comic book movies, don’t get me wrong, I love a good super hero movie (Iron Man, Spiderman 1 & 2, Dark Knight), but I feel like there aren’t enough people out there who actually read comic books to warrant such excessive spandex on the big screen.  The movie industry needs to back off on the super hero stuff, it makes me feel decidedly un-super.

That reminds me, I’m in the process of writing a review of Super 8.  Although you’ve probably seen it by now if you were at all interested, which defeats the porpoise (lol) of a review.  So I may or may not actually finish it.

You know what I don’t understand? Caffeine free Diet Coke.  What’s the point of drinking it if it has no caffeine or sugar? Isn’t that what soda was invented for? Actually, it originally had cocaine in it, and you’re complaining about the caffeine and sugar?

Don’t you hate it when you’re doing the puzzles on the back of a cereal box and you accidentally read the answers? Why don’t they put them on the inside of the box or something, totally ruins the fun.

Then again, so does the fact that I’m not a small child.

Things not to do in the President’s office #17: Store your snackies right next to the panic button at the front desk…

So I’m currently working on my ability to un-see things, not much success so far.  The moral of the story is that some things should not appear on my news feed.

Has it been long enough to make jokes about Japan?

You know that feeling when it feels like you’ve forgotten something, but you can’t remember what? I live in a constant state of that feeling, and I’ve usually forgotten something.

No one ever responds to these requests, but if anyone has any suggestions for blog posts or things they’d like to see on here, PLEASE don’t hesitate to let me know, via facebook message, comment, or e-mail.



So my posts have been somewhat few and far between lately, and for that I apologize, because I know how it’s the highlight of your time on the internet and all.  Anyway, your Facebook profile Picture is (sadly) how most of your network of acquaintances and strangers sees you, so it’s important to have a decent one, especially if you spend as much time on there as I do.  The following post should serve as a guide as you select a profile picture to represent yourself online.

Also, you may have noticed that this is my third Facebook-themed post, and I will admit that I have a bit of a preoccupation with the blue and white menace, but so do you.  So shuddup.

**DISCLAIMER** Realize before you freak out on me , that I was able to write this because I’ve been guilty of most of these Facebook faux pas in the past.  It’s not hypocrisy if I acknowledge my past guilt.  Calm.

~In no particular order~

The Pro Pic Troll

You know what I’m talking about, the one negative commenter on your profile picture. It always happens.  It’s usually the guy who has had the same profile picture for years because it’s the only good picture of him ever taken, and he doesn’t have the self-confidence to use another one.  I understand that there is some degree of fruitiness in taking a picture of oneself sure, but I dabble in photography and looking good, so it’s just the natural progression of hobby and vanity.  Also, you know you’ve done it too, so don’t be a douche you unnattractive person you.

Posting a Slightly Different, Self-Shot Profile Picture Every Couple of Days

I realize that this somewhat contradicts the above statement, but there is a distinction. Don’t get me wrong, I am guilty of the occasional Myspacean, self-shot profile picture (although I try to give mine some artistic merit at least), but when several blurryass pictures of you taken from the same weird angle fill my news feed every day, it gets old.  I understand the temptation, I am one of the most self-absorbed humans on the planet, but trust me, this goes beyond self-absorption and into the realm of self-obsession.   You don’t need a new profile picture every two days friend, I’m pretty sure you look the same as you did two days ago.

Your Profile Picture Isn’t You

Unless it’s for a cartoon character or celebrity pro pic week, everyone assumes this happens because you’re ugly.  It’s also weird and creepy (yes,  both weird AND creepy), I feel like anyone could be behind that anime character or demotivational poster.  It’s the hockey mask of the e-predator world.  Have some self confidence, if they’ve read my blog, no one will make fun of your profile picture if it’s actually you, so you have nothing to worry about.  Beisdes, you’ll be more attractive to the opposite sex (or whoever you’re trying to attract) if you have the confidence to appear as you really are, and anyone who doesn’t think so isn’t worth your time.  Don’t be a creeper.

Over-Edited, Pseudo-Artistic Pictures

They’re usually weird colors, really blurry, and with words and crap on them.  I don’t know what online photo editor you used, but unless you’re sepia colored, blurry, and bracketed with words and hearts in real life, it’s not okay.  A profile picture should be of you, not of some weird cartoon version of you.

Cell-Phone-in-the-Bathroom Mirror Pictures

This one isn’t as severe as some of the others, but incredibly tacky nonetheless.  Especially when I scroll through your album of profile pictures, and they’re all of you standing in front of the bathroom mirror, holding your head at the same angle, with the same cocky look on your face, and in varying states of shirtlessness.

A Photo of You Kissing Your Boyfriend

Seriously? I’m happy you’ve been kissed at least once as proved by your picture, but leave it off your profile.  Especially if it’s super close up and gross.

Nearly Naked You

As rockin’ as your bod may be, future employers and grandmas are all over Facebook, so don’t look like a prostitute, because it could come back to haunt you.  That goes for guys too, taking a picture of your shirtless self with your hand down your pants in the bathroom? Not okay.  Even if you don’t care about employers or innocent grandmas and children on Facebook, have some class people!

Just to be clear, I don’t think there is anything wrong with pictures of you at the lake in your swimwear, it’s pictures of you in the bathroom with sex in your eyes that don’t need to grace the top left corner of your profile.

The Where’s Waldo Picture

When your profile picture has a ton of people in it.  This one is akin to the profile picture that isn’t even you, because if I don’t know you how am I supposed to tell which one you are? I’m just going to assume that you’re the guy in the background holding the knife.

No Offense,


I am a nerd.

Today is the anniversary of the D-Day invasion of Europe in World War II, so if you know a D-Day or World War II veteran, make sure you thank them for their service to humanity, because sadly you probably wont have too many more years to do it.  They would probably hate my blog… Also watch Saving Private Ryan, but only if you’re with people you’re comfortable crying around.

It’s hot outside.  I like it.  Then again, I wouldn’t want to be out working in it. But I wouldn’t want to be out working in any weather, so that’s probably part of it. I was talking to a middle schooler the other day, and he mentioned several times how much he hated school.  I said surely he couldn’t hate all of school, and I asked what part of school he hated.  His response was, “I just hate the questions,” and he didn’t know why teachers had to ask him questions they already knew the answers to. I still haven’t decided if his answer was naive or incredibly wise.

It’s always weird when somebody drives past your office window if your window isn’t facing a street or a parking lot…

I recently ate at a restaurant at which I ordered a Kobe beef hamburger.  I think the best part was the smell of affluence when I walked in the door.

When I talk to girls I always make sure to look them straight in the eye or off to the side when I’m talking to them.  Mostly out of respect, but also to make sure they know I’m not looking at their boobs.

Just F.Y.I. ladies, that’s really hard to do when you have something written on your shirt.  Trying to discreetly  read it without looking like I’m staring at your chest is an awkward dance.  What is your goal with the chest literature?? It’s confusing!

One thing I’ll never understand is Giant Smarties.  Nobody likes smarties, they’re the bastard candy of the trick-or-treat bag, left unwanted for months until they’re rediscovered and eaten out of sheer boredom.  So why would


you want giant, chalky tabs of sour, flavorless awfulness?

Apologies to anyone in the Smartie-loving demographic (if you’re real), but you have terrible taste in candy. You’re also a chalk-eating robot.

Lunch breaks are a rare thing for me, I usually get by on Coffee Mate and butter mints.   Don’t judge me.

Sometimes I wish my life was a teen movie, they always work out so nicely.

On that subject (whoa, coherence): Everyone is the protagonist in their own life movie.  Though I’m the protagonist is quite a few people’s life movies..

Seriously though, everybody thinks they’re the good guy, keep that in mind the next time someone pisses you off, he’s probably just advancing his own plot line.

Also remember this: “…much has been gained if we succeed in turning your hysterical misery into common unhappiness.” -Sigmund Freud

I guess that’s sort of related? I’m going with yes.

I blame the heat,


P.S. As of two days ago this is my new favorite song. (Ignore the video, it’s weird and unrelated.)

These are just a few pictures I took with my new camera while I was up in Iowa that I had the time to upload before work today.

Photography is 30 percent equipment, 30 percent skill, and 40 percent being in the right place at the right time.

I know I promised more real content but, yeahhhh.

Anyways, as always I appreciate your feedback so if you have any comments don’t hesitate to let me know!!

Also, click on the picture for the huge and glorious version.

Please don’t steal these, internet.

Clearly an amateur,


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