Archive for April, 2011


As my views spiral down toward nonexistence, I feel compelled to explain my absence from the blogosphere *shudders at the word “blogoshpere” *. Whether or not there was any concern for my return to posting I’m not aware, but in my mind someone was concerned.  Thanks for caring, you!

-Anywho-

Sorry for the week long post hiatus, I was on vacation in sunny Paperlandia.  And by vacation I mean the exact opposite of that.  I’ve been doing lots of work.  Lot’s of incredibly stressful, time consuming, sub par work.  And by sunny I mean dismal and awful in every way.  College is hard.

I posted this on my Facebook a while back. I didn't take it, but I'm not sure who did, so to avoid plagiarism: Credit to the clever bastard wrote this on his or her test.

Also my Asian friends are way too persuasive when it comes to talking me into staying up until 4:30 in the morning playing online video games.

The right amount of Easter candy is way too much Easter candy.  And I will eat it all.

In my family it’s less celebrating Easter and more celebrating Get Jesus Christ Superstar Stuck In Your Head For Eternity Day.

I’m not sure what logic led the cleaning lady to clean the bathroom at 10:00 am, but that led to an incredibly awkward post-shower encounter.

Note to self: when taunting the misting weather to man up and actually rain, make sure you you have a jacket.  In case the weather actually mans up and rains.

Don’t worry, procrastination, half-assery, and Facebook are all important parts of my Writing Process.

I endeavored to write a quality post today, but college has said otherwise, so I apologize for this less than satisfying entry. I also feel sickish, booooo.

On the brink of implosion,

-Andrew

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Everybody could use a little more adorable in their life.

Don’t you hate that?  The internet sucks sometimes.

Today is Monday.  Obviously. I am officially sick of Rebecca Black weekday jokes, so I’ll spare you if you spare my Facebook.

My dorm floor smells like something different every day.  Anything from burnt popcorn, to “oh my God, what is that smell?”, my dorm floor is a regular olfactory adventure.  Today’s flavor? Spaghettio’s and piss!

Ugh. Sorry for that.

With the regularity of a rooster announcing the arrival of dawn, the guy a few doors down who yells f*** in the hallway and then slams his door announces the arrival of 3 am.

Anyone interested in free flash drives should just follow me around when I go to computer labs, because nine times out of ten the answer to “Did I leave my damn flash drive in the lab again?” is “Yes.  Very Yes.”

Update: I’m actually writing this blog from the lab, because I had to retrieve my flash drive.  I don’t make this stuff up.

It gets awkward when someone is using the computer I left it in, and I have to nonchalantly walk past them and pull it out without looking like A.) a moron for leaving my flash drive in the computer or B.) a creeper trying to smell their hair or mess with their computer or something creepy.

I bought a new deodorant the other day endorsed by Bear Grylls, it even has his picture on the lid.  Of all the people to market deodorant, why him?? In all of his episodes he ends up covered in mud and leeches, eats a large bug, and then gets naked and pees on himself, because that’s apparently the solution to 70% of the problems one encounters in the wilderness.

I do not want to smell like that.

Update: being the connoisseur of deodorant that I am, it actually ended up smelling pretty good, and I’ll probably use it for a couple of weeks before I pick a new scent.

Whenever you see someone walking down the sidewalk smiling, what’s the first thing you think? That they’re happy? No, you think they’re crazy, and probably that their imaginary friend just told them a really funny joke.  It’s weird… Happy people….

Instead of putting up signs with rules on them, I want to put up signs that just say “No.” on them.  That way people wont be sure what not to do, and they’ll be extra careful not to do anything bad.

I’m not sure it’s a refusal to fail, as much as a refusal to admit failure.

Hot fashion tip! Guys, don’t tuck your t-shirts into your khaki’s. As slimming as it might be, you look weird.  And it’s not slimming.  You just look weird.

Almost summer,

-Andrew

P.S. Only one filler picture today! :D Although those are likely your favorite part….

Movie Review: Source Code

My brain hurts.

Source Code is like Groundhog Day meets Inception meets Mission Impossible meets The Polar Express.  Despite the infuriating number of commercials you’ve seen for this movie, you don’t understand it.  I watched it and I still don’t totally understand it.  A good movie is one that leaves the theater with you.  I’m not talking those dime-a-dozen, sorority-girl-in-an-empty-haunted-house, how-long-can-we-hold-this-dissonant-violin-chord-until-you-wet-your-pants-when-something-jumps-out movies. I’m talking one that really makes you think.  Source Code makes you think not only about the time-bending physics in it, but about your own morals.  Source Code is one of those movies I can’t say too much about though, because it places you right in the middle of the action, and the rest of the movie is spent trying to figure out exactly what the hell is going on.  That’s why the movie is so much fun.  I will warn you though, I may be just too sensitive, but I was choked up and on the verge of a lone tear rolling down my face for a good 15 minutes of it, if you don’t want to cry in front of your friends, wear 3D glasses or something.

In the foreground, Jake Gyllenhaal. In the background, the plot twist.

As far as acting, Jake Gyllenhaal who plays the protagonist Captain Colter Stevens drives the show, his emotional performance is outstanding, much better than I have come to expect from him recently.  Any man who can bring a tear to my eye is a good actor.  Supported by Vera Farmiga in the role of Colleen Goodwin, and Michele Monaghan as the love interest Christina Warren, I thought Farmiga had a strong performance, communicating a lot without words in a script that was somewhat sparse for her.  Monaghan was solid, but the character was a little one dimensional, probably due to the writing, and her chemistry with Gyllenhaal seemed a little forced.  Finally, Jeffrey Wright, who played Dr. Rutledge, the man in charge of the operation, was a little over the top for my tastes, playing a character who was a bit too much of a weird douche to be believable.

Visually the movie wasn’t too spectacular, limited by it’s plot to a few choice locations, but the special effects were good, and my disbelief was successfully suspended throughout the movie.  It might have been a factor of the projector in my movie theater, but one annoying thing I noticed was some distracting motion blur in a couple scenes.  Again, it might have been a factor of my theater’s projector, and it was a minor thing, but I thought it was at least worth mentioning.

I also wished it had had a little more comic relief, but I’m sort of a movie sap, and I don’t like things that are too sad.  It wasn’t TOO sad, but, well, yeah.

Overall, in case you couldn’t tell already, I highly recommend seeing Source Code, and then probably watching it again after that.  Definitely worth the price of admission.

8.9/10

I have time to write this, but not my papers…

?,

-Andrew

Just kidding, I don’t sleep.  I just wanted you to read this.

Do you ever walk up to automatic doors only to have them not open? I do.  And I can think of only 3 possible scenarios.  (A) I’m a ghost.  (B) I should be a burglar.  or (C) All of the above.

Guys, why does the bathroom smell like pot? Actually, I’m pretty sure I know why the bathroom smells like pot, and what I meant to say was, ARE YOU RETARDED?

Must have been a slow news cycle. Or else the other news channels are doing it wrong.

I can’t remember the last time I walked into my room and my roommate wasn’t playing Starcraft. Wait, sometimes he’s asleep.  Oh and there was a short period of time where it was Call of Duty instead, so, I guess there’s that.

On an unrelated note, hey Allen, glad you’re taking a Starcraft break!

When I see someone I know when I’m walking to class wearing my headphones, I often say something in addition to a friendly smile or wave.  Most of the time afterwards I have no idea what I said, or if the noise I made was even vaguely intelligible.

Hey, dude with the cargo shorts and fanny pack, why do you need both? That’s the point of cargo shorts.  They are the utility belt of the pants world.  Do you really have THAT much small stuff to carry on your way to class?  Also, you reek of sunscreen and loneliness.

Too soon?

My review of Dead Space 2:  Flashlight flashlight flashlight, blood on the walls, flashlight flashlight, creepy sound effect, flashlight flashli–HOLY SHIIIII- pause, change your pants- IIT!!!!!! Shooting shooting shooting, flashlight flashlight flashlight…. (repeat until all you dream about for the next week is a zombie apocalypse.)

I have 12 papers to write,

-Andrew

P.S. I’m thinking about changing the title for my blog to attract more views, so if you have any ideas, feel free to Facebook message me, send me an e-mail, or write it in blood on my wall.  Whatever works for you! I’ll get a poll set up somewhere so I can make it official-like.

I honestly can’t understand my own addiction to Facebook.  It’s annoying.  Nay, Facebook isn’t annoying, a large number of the people on my Facebook are annoying.  The following are some surefire ways to get yourself blocked from my news feed.  It’s also going to make me look like a huge jerk.

Although since you’re reading this you’re cool, and probably not guilty of any of them.  Yay you!

Facebooking Your Undying Love-

I’m happy you’re happily in a relationship, I really am, but please, for the love of God, keep it out of my news feed.  One or two statuses is fine, I understand that.  Announcing your love on Facebook is the modern day equivalent of shouting it off a mountaintop, but really, your boyfriend or girlfriend gets the point after one or two.  And I should never see the word “babe,” “baby,” or any of your other diminutives for your lover in my news feed unless you’re talking about an actual infant. It’s gross. Oh and one more thing, QUIT CONSTANTLY POSTING ON EACH OTHER’S WALLS.  Seriously, chances are you’re in the same room as each other anyway.  If not, that’s what Facebook Messages and Facebook Chat are for.  I know you’re dating, I don’t have to be reminded of it every time I get on Facebook.

Bathroom Statuses-

Ew.  I don’t care how good of a bowel movement you just had, or what was wrong with the toilet seat, keep it off my news feed.  Gross.

Emo Song Lyrics-

I get it. You’re sad. Or maybe there’s just too much pain in the world for a funny status.  Whatever. Nobody ever likes a mopey song lyric status.

Endless Surveys and Crappy Applications-

Wow cool, you scored “95% hot” on the “How Hot Are You?” quiz.  I don’t know you.  I don’t care. If I knew you, I wouldn’t care.  They always have such big obnoxious pictures too, so I don’t see the funny statuses in between that I might get some fulfillment out of. Cool horoscope entry! I’m glad things are going well for Scorpios! Aw neat! You found a golden chicken! GET A HOBBY.

Please? :)

Passive Aggressive Statuses-

Things like “I hope the most horrible misfortune befalls you and your family” aren’t of any use to me.  I don’t know who you’re talking about, so why do you feel the need to share that with me?

Inside Jokes-

Nobody else gets it.  That makes it substantially less funny.

Hearts-

The occasional <3 is fine, but come on guys, hearts fill up my news feed like acne on a college freshman’s face.  You can’t heart EVERYTHING.

Txt speak-

There isn’t a word count for Facebook statuses.  Express yourself in complete words and sentences.  This isn’t Twitter, you lazy jerk.

Get off my lawn,

-Andrew

It’s Thursday, Friday of the weekdays.

he doesn't need Red Bull, wings would only slow him down.

The number of papers I have to write by the end of the month is stacking up, with a total of 12 papers.  32 pages worth. Yet still I blog.  I’m not sure if it’s because of the devotion I feel to you, my readers (if you exist), or for my narcissistic need for more views.  I’m going with the devotion one.

So if you saw me on campus today you might have noticed that my pants were about to fall down.  This was not a fashion statement.  I wasn’t “bustin’ a sag” as the principle of my old Junior High used to be fond of saying.  It’s just incredibly hard to find shorts with the right waist size for me, so if I have too many things in my pockets they fall down.  Tis my curse.

And no, belts don’t help either.

One thing I will never understand is the Teletubbies.  How can something so disturbing on so many levels be so popular with small children? I now understand how this happens [insert picture of the girl from The Ring]. Kids have the worst taste in TV. Geez.

Tee hee, art reference.

The other day whilst walking to class, despite my ninja-like solicitor-avoidance powers, I got stopped by this guy who claimed to be a monk, who tried to get my gift cards.  He just looked like a nerd at first, so I didn’t think he was selling anything, but then he complemented me on my sunglasses, which weirdly stopped me long enough for him to hand me a book.  He then started telling me about how he was a monk, giving me some really vague details about how he was changing the world. I was so flustered by the encounter I don’t even remember the book now, but he said it was free, then proceeded to ask me for donations.  I said I didn’t have any cash, trying to be as polite as possible, so he asked if I had any gift cards, to which I responded, “ahhh… no? I’m laaate for class… ” I tried to escape by handing him back the book, which he eventually took, and walking away. Even as I walked away he kept asking me for donations to which I would awkwardly turn around and say I had to get to class.

Something was not right about that guy, I don’t know if it was the enlightenment in his eyes or what, but I got the distinct impression that should I turn my back and all the people around vanished he would do unspeakable things to me. Gave me the creeps in a big way.  Watch out for that guy.

I think people can just sense my inability to say no.

I’m really starting to get into photography, and I almost dropped 650 bucks on a camera yesterday.  It was a great deal but uh, very an impulse.  I need to have someone constantly watch over me and make sure I don’t buy stuff I don’t need.

Also if any of my attractive readers are interested in modeling for me, that’d be fun, eh? Aww, who am I kidding, you’re all attractive!

So yeah, I don’t have much else to say today. I’ve got a pretty decent post in the works though, so, stay tuned.. you beautiful person you!

Almost there,

-Andrew

In this troubled economic climate, it’s more essential than ever to be smart about how you manage your money.  I’ve compiled a short list of self tested money managing tips to help you keep a close watch on your blah blah blah money managing is boring. I hate it too, so here are some easy ways to manage your money without managing your money.

[filler]

– Live spontaneously.

Don’t keep a record of your checking account.  That way when you get your bank statements you can either be pleasantly surprised by the numbers there, or if they’re somewhat low, you won’t have any notion that they should be anything else.

– Cash is your friend. 

Besides, you look like a badass when you pay with that wad of cash. People will notice.

Only pay for things in cash.  Writing checks in a store is tedious.  Everyone is mad at you for taking so long.  Debit cards allow you to spend all of your money instantly.  Credit cards are scary.  Since I’m too lazy to get cash out of the bank, I usually don’t have much money on me, so I can’t spend much money.

– Don’t pay sales tax.

Order everything online.  Can you say free shipping? Besides, no matter what you ordered, it’s like Christmas when the package gets there.

– Invest.

Don’t gamble with your money, instead of buying stocks or playing black jack, invest that money in something tangible you’ll get lots of entertainment out of like a PS3! Your returns won’t be monetary, but you can’t put a price tag on happiness.

– Be a good friend.

Your friends won’t learn the value of hard work and saving if you’re constantly lending them money!  Besides, they’re never going to pay you back anyway.  And, instead of buying them Christmas and birthday gifts, just tell them about my blog, the best gift of all.

– Make good lifestyle choices.

Be a loser.  Simple, if you don’t go out, you don’t spend money!  Especially effective if you’re single, girlfriends are expensive.

– Court success.

Marry into money.  Enough said.

Cheers,

-Andrew

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