My posts have been somewhat sparse lately, and I apologize for that.  I think it’s possible that I wrote every funny thought in my head in that first fevered month of blogging.

My grandma got my blog url the other day.  I’m not sure if she knows what a url is, but I gotta keep these next few posts ah, grandma friendly.. Hey grandma!

lol wat?

I hate that terrifying moment when you get water in your nose whilst swimming underwater and you feel like you’re about to sneeze, because everyone knows that sneezing underwater causes instant death.  It’s just physics.

You know that feeling when you sit down to play a video game, and when you get up again you’ve beaten it, and you’re all like, “Man, what a short game!” Feeling cheated, you look up how long it is online.  It was a 16 hour campaign.  Then it hits you that you haven’t eaten or drank for 16 hours.

Yeah me either, I’ve never done that…

The best way to guarantee it rains tomorrow? Wash your car today.

Wear fancy pea coat and pop the collar.  30% to keep your neck warm, 70% for style points.

Watch an action movie and feel invincible, try to recreate it on Xbox Live, get repeatedly teabagged by a screaming British 10-year-old.  Angrily turn off Xbox.

I hate that moment when you think you look awesome so you’re all, “heck yeah, take a picture of me!”  Then someone takes a picture of you, and you look like, really really not awesome.

This is probably ancient, but I laughed really hard when I saw this.

In movies, any time you pull up to a stoplight and look at the car next to you, there are either a pair buxom blondes in low cut tops looking over sultrily at you, or scary motorcycle gangs/assorted thugs.  In reality? 80 percent of the time it’s some middle aged dude picking his nose.

You know that awkward moment when you sleep in just your boxers, you know, the ones with the big hole in the front, and someone comes into your room in the morning and starts talking to you? Inevitably they want you to get out of bed, but you can’t really because you just woke up and, uh, yeah… a terribly awkward moment is sure to follow no matter which course of action you choose.

That’s why I always keep a pair of pants next to my bed.

That one probably wasn’t grandma friendly…

I swear whenever I put my phone in silent mode, it also activates a cloaking device.  I never lose my phone when it’s on loud mode, that would be too easy.

I’ve gotta go find my phone before work,