So here’s where I’m at right now.

I am a Psychology Major with a Minor in Marketing.  In the practical world of things that’s the best career choice I can think of that fits my personality and strengths.  But I’ve never had an epiphany, or had any inkling of an idea what I wanted to do. Until the other day (I think).

I want to make movies.

The thought that keeps occurring to me as I help out with the production of this movie (see Monday’s post) is, “People get PAID to do this??”  Every aspect of it is so much fun, from writing the screenplay, to making an abandoned building into a police station, to coaxing what you want out of the actors, to thinking through the continuity of the storyline and adjusting the time on the clock in the scene to match it, down to the way you to shoot the scenes themselves.  It’s like doing a giant jigsaw puzzle to get all the scenes to fit together and make a convincing movie.  You have to shoot them at different locations on different days at different times and make it look like a cohesive whole.  I love it. That coinciding with the Academy Awards was like the perfect storm for an epiphany.  My dream is to be a writer/director.

I think I’ve known it all along.  Not good.

I hate epiphanies.   That parental sigh-inducing realization that my dream doesn’t fit with what my life preceding has built me up to be.  Why did it have to come now of all times, as I tread a path towards practicality and expectation.  When you’re a kid, everyone tells you to go for your dream, and that if you work at it hard enough it’ll work out no matter what.  But at some point you have to be be realistic, and ask yourself if you really think you can make it as an astronaut or a lion tamer.  Because of this recent development, I have to choose between a life of relative safety and profitable regret, or a risky life of uncertainty, passion, and likely starvation.

I want both.

But no one has ever achieved excellence by merely sticking their foot in the door, one must thrust himself through the doorway, and pray that he likes what he finds on the other side.

And so I stand undecided.




It’s also turning out to be one of those weeks where everyone seems to need something from me at once, and I’m struggling to keep all the plates spinning.  Bleh. I should stop blogging now, shiz to take care of.  More cheerful posts to come I promise. (If I don’t explode in the meantime.)



P.S. On the plus side I had a ridiculously good hair day today. That’s always a good thing.