Wanna look awesome? Wanna impress all your friends? Wanna meet girls? Of course you do, who doesn’t? It’s a scientific fact that ladies are attracted to awesome, and by the end of this blog post you’ll be exactly that.  Knee deep in… female companionship

(As per usual, not in any particular order)

::WARNING:: This guide will make you so awesome that your friends and family might be intimidated by your presence and feel uncomfortable talking to you, and the constant stream of female attention can be exhausting.  Don’t come crying to me when you’re friends respect you too much and you can’t ever sleep because you have to have sex with so many supermodels. You’ve been warned.

Oh and you should probably give your keys to me so you don’t accidentally lose them whilst doing something awesome. Just to be safe.

To the owner of the 1999 Dodge Neon parked diagonally in two spaces in my lot, this one is for you.

10.) Survival skills.

What’s the first thing you think of when you think Bear Grylls? Badass? Hardcore? AWESOME? Well when he’s not surviving in the wilderness, Bear has to survive constant barrages of sexual advances from beautiful women.  You already know everything you need to know, you’ve watched the show, so take it to the next level!  Have your friend blindfold you and drive you out into the wilderness, drop you off and drive away.  When you make it back to civilization, awesome.

9.) Anabolic Dietary Supplements.

I mean drugs, lots and lots of drugs.  Steroids, Crystal Meth, Heroine, everything.  You’ll be huge, happy, and twice as fast as everyone else around you.

8.) Base jumping.

What’s more badass than base jumping? I’ll tell you what: Base jumping with an umbrella for a parachute.  Just picture yourself floating gracefully and awesomely down in front of Jessica Alba’s house.  Chea. Don’t forget your sunglasses.

7.) Steal a car.

I know you’ve played Grand Theft Auto.  Steal a normal car, cool.  Steal a cop car? cooler.  Steal a tank? AWESOME.

6.) Fly a helicopter into the sunset.

You’ve totally seen enough movies to do it without dying in a fiery helicopter crash.

5.) Go to space.

Build a rocket, go to space. It’ll work for sure.  Just think about that Facebook status: “Just left the atmosphere in my homemade rocket ship, lol I just got Tang in my eye! Zero gravity is awesome!!!1!”

4.) Blow up a large building.

Make sure to walk slowly away from the explosion without looking.

3.) Play Frogger.

Not on a computer, you nerd!  Way more awesome on an eight lane highway.

2.) Dodge bullets.

Haven’t you seen the Matrix? That was based on a true story!

1.) Punch a Grizzly bear in the nose.

How else can you win in a fist fight with a Grizzly bear?

Awesomely yours,

-Andrew

Advertisements