Few things are as uncomfortable in life as an old person, unfamiliar with modern connotations of the word “hump,” mentioning “hump day.” Maybe I just need to grow up, but come on, you know it’s weird.

I’m not handicapped, I just like ramps and automatic doors.

Global Warming isn’t raising the water level in the ocean, the continent is just sinking as people get fatter and fatter. Check it out http://cdc.gov/obesity/data/trends.html. Yay us!

A beautiful day, 73 degrees and sunny, made more beautiful by the beautiful ladies in every direction I look.  Not sure what it is about nice weather and good looking girls, but this needs to happen more often.

To the guy sitting next to me during that test who felt the need to crack every joint in both hands over a period of ten minutes, you almost got punched.

That awkward moment when you hear heavy footsteps and mouth breathing behind you, but you can’t really look all the way back to see who it is, because that’s weird, but you can see a hoodie and sketchiness out of the corner of your eye, so you walk a little faster.

Sure the sun’ll come up and all that jazz, but the best thing about tomorrow? Today’s crossword puzzle answers.

High fructose corn syrup is the nectar of the Gods.  The Gods of Diabetes, Love Handles, and Heart Attacks.

I always wonder what the deal with the brown M&M is.  I mean you have the primary colored ones (red, yellow, and blue), and you have two secondary colored ones (green and orange). Instead of making a purple one (the third secondary color) however, they decided to make the last one brown. Brown. Of all the colors at their disposal they picked brown? Is ANYONE’s favorite color brown? That’s what color they are on the inside too; why bother painting a brown chocolate candy, brown? It just doesn’t make any sense.

(I researched it by eating another bag of M&M’s.  Turns out they’re delicious.  Still, I want a purple M&M!)


Anybody remember tan M&M's???

Get it? It's a cat totally acting like a person. XD Not sure what that was all about but, lol.

Everyone loves a smartass at 75 mph.

With your daily dose of worthlessness, humor, and trivia,